Don't give up in the messy middle

What writers can learn from some tough English schoolgirls

Everyone loves a feel-good story, where the expected underdog somehow, despite all odds, prevails. Writers, who love stories anyway, dream of being the hero of such tales.

The question such narratives evoke: when do we get to happily ever after? We’re living in the messy middle. Perhaps you need to know that here, where a lot of people quit, might be the place where your story takes a turn. You can’t get to the triumphant finale until you slog through the hard bits. For writers, or anyone, it can be discouraging.

But we’re made for more than slogging. Writers, by definition, are curious, resilient learners, a quality which can transform the miry middle into a place of growth, not just meaningless floundering. The struggle forges your character.

And that is precisely how someone who beats the odds actually does so. By being open to learning, training, working hard, and not letting others’ skepticism stop you.

Take, for example, the Queens Park Ladies.

This under-12 girls’ soccer team in Bournemouth, England, made headlines this week as they became undefeated league champions—in a boys’ league.

Girls’ football, as it’s known in the UK, is not nearly as popular across the pond as it is here in the US. But it is gaining popularity, in part because England’s national women’s team, the Lionesses, who won the 2022 European championship. As a former footballer myself, and a former soccer mom to a daughter who was tough both on and off the pitch, I loved this story.

My daughter as a soccer player years ago.

Of course, the boys in Bournemouth were surprised when the girls began trouncing them, starting the season with a 6-0 victory.

“Sometimes, especially at the beginning of the season when we hadn’t played them all yet, they were sniggering,” Edith Wragg, 12, a defender, told the New York Times. “They definitely underestimated us. But then we showed them that we were just as good as them.”

I know—why am I discussing sports in what is supposed to be a newsletter about writing? Because as always, sports provide an apt metaphor for writing.

Writers, I find, want to live a story like that of the Queens Park Ladies. They want to surprise everyone with their talent. They want to proudly claim to have been underestimated but then prevailed as champions. Or in the writing world, they want their book to be a surprise best-seller.

But do you know what the Queens Park Ladies’ record was when they first started, six years ago? They only won one game in two years. They tied twice but lost the rest of their games. Which means they lost. Again and again. They worked hard, they practiced. But they lost. This fact was buried two dozen paragraphs down in the news story about them, but it’s important.

Here’s why: they didn’t give up. They kept training, they kept building skills. They played other teams, both girls and boys. They learned from their losses. They all support and cheer one another one—teamwork makes the dream work, as they say. They happened to recruit a very good goalie. They never gave up, and they encouraged each other all along that hard road from rookies to champions.

Writers need to pay attention to the lessons of the Queens Park Ladies. Overnight success is not a thing. Winning takes work. It doesn’t mean just trying over and over, but training, learning, improving your skills.

Let me say that again: the way through the difficult middle is not to keep repeating mistakes, but to learn from them. That might mean hiring an editor or coach, taking a writing class, attending a conference. It means not just trying, but training. Being open, curious. It means deliberate effort to change and improve.

You may think that getting your book published is the equivalent of winning the championship. Unfortunately, it’s not. It’s a step toward victory, an important win in your season as a writer. But after the book is launched, you still have to get it into hands of readers. You still have the hard work of marketing your book, and likely, planning your next book.

When the Queens Park Ladies began winning games, they didn’t stop training. They still needed their coach. They kept practicing and doing drills. They stayed focused. They didn’t say, “oh good, we won a game. We’re done.” They not only won their league, they went undefeated—by not giving up.

Their continued hard work means next year, they’ll be defending their championship against boys again.

Writers can take a page from the Queens Park Ladies’ playbook. Play smart. Work hard. Don’t expect overnight success, but never give up. Learn and grow.  Keep building on your successes, even small ones.

This year, I’ve had the privilege of collaborating on a handful of books. Two of these projects were collaborative writing: taking the author from idea to published book. Three were editing and publishing projects, where writers came to me with a draft of their book, and I took it through editing and design and then guided them through self-publishing.

I’m really proud of the work I’ve done this year to help writers’ tell their powerful story. They had to work hard to write, then revise. They had to learn about the crazy world of publishing, most of them for the first time.

Last night, I got to attend the launch of one of those books: Unleashing Radical Hospitality by Dr. David Anderson, the founder of Safe Families for Children. Dr. Anderson came to me more than a year ago with an idea he’d been trying to bring to life for nearly a decade: telling the story of how he built Safe Families from a vision to a movement.

Last night, he and his wife (and co-author) Karen and I stood behind a table full of books. People lined up to have Dave sign their copy. It was their championship moment. (Unleashing Radical Hospitality is available in paperback and ebook on amazon.)

This never gets old for me. Helping people tell their powerful story, coaching and collaborating through the messy middle. Seeing them finish the book and share it with the world.

Writers struggle—it’s not an easy calling. But friend, struggle smart. Learn from mistakes. Learn by actually training yourself in the skill of writing and marketing.

The Queens Park Ladies worked hard. They had a coach, they worked together as a team, they didn’t give up. They prevailed against the odds.

Want to apply their life lessons to your writing? Click below to request a free 40-minute consult on your writing project.

(Please click over to read the full Queens Park Ladies story or at least look at the photos for this piece, which show girls totally schooling the lads in football skills.)

P.S. The amazon link is an affiliate link, which allows me to earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting this free publication in this way!