Should I write a memoir?

Share your story, or share your wisdom?

Aspiring authors often feel called or compelled to share their story. They have experienced life, overcome challenges, maybe survived struggles, and they want to share them.

So often, they begin down a path to write their memoir or personal story. I believe there is value in writing your story. Just remembering and writing can trigger memories, help begin to heal and resolve the pain, remind you of God’s faithfulness or your own resilience.

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A friend of mine who teaches memoir writing says she believes everyone should write their memoir or personal story. I agree. Everyone should write their story. But not everyone should publish their story. And this is where writers get stuck.

The sacred act of writing offers us a gift—a way to make sense of what happened to us.

But publishing is a different path. When we decide to publish a book, we are embarking on a journey that requires an investment of time and/or money that goes beyond just writing. We are no longer writing just for ourselves, but for an audience. And we must find a way to market our work to that audience. We must write something that offers value to the reader, not just to us.

Memoir is a popular category, but the best-selling memoir titles are typically by famous people (say, Michelle Obama), or established authors with a long history of publishing other books (like Beth Moore, renowned Bible teacher and author, who recently released an excellent memoir, All My Knotted Up Life—which I’m reading and enjoying right now.)

Countless writers want to share their story, but find it hard to sell that story to publishers and readers.

But if you are as yet unpublished, memoir might not be the place to start. Some literary agencies don’t even accept proposals for personal story. See this helpful post from agent Dan Balow for a fresh take on why Christian personal stories don’t sell.

Now, one option is to self-publish your memoir. I help people do that. Self-publishing is a great path for some writers, and I gladly help those who want to walk it to find their way. But it’s not the only option.

Share your wisdom

If you want to write a book, it doesn’t have to be a memoir. A better approach is to write on a topic that audiences want to read about. You share your wisdom, not just your story. Instead of telling your story, you can take some of the principles you’ve learned from your own life and write a non-fiction book that focuses on solving a problem for your reader. The book is no longer just about you, it’s about the reader. This is the path I recommend, especially to writers who are already starting to develop an audience.

My agent, Steve Laube, also recommends this. Write a topical book, not a personal story. This blog post explains why from an agent’s perspective. I highly recommend it!

You may still decide to self-publish if you do a topical non-fiction book. That’s a great path, because you’re more likely to not only sell books but open doors to other opportunities like speaking and teaching. Instead of just being someone with a difficult personal story, you’ll be a helpful expert and authority.

Writers often seek my help with writing and publishing their story. One who contacted me recently told me she does a lot of speaking in a variety of settings. She also has a radio show. She has a platform. But selling her idea to publishers has proved difficult.

I suggested that perhaps rather than just telling her story, which focused on traumatic abuse that occurred in her childhood, she might want to consider a book which tells people how to find freedom and leverage the power of their testimony—which are things she already speaks on. In other words, to make it a topical book, not a personal story. To share her wisdom, not just her story. She might use things that happened to her in the past as anecdotes to illustrate the principles she’s teaching, but not necessarily make the whole book about the specifics of her traumatic story.

Don’t take writing advice from non-writers

Often, when someone has a tragic personal story, and share it in conversation, the listener struggles to hold that heavy burden. Their soul is weighed down by it, and they’re not sure what to say. And so they will attempt to off-load the story by saying, “Wow, that’s … wow. You should write a book.” That allows them to respond, to be empathetic, but also—to put that burden back on the storyteller, and frankly, change the subject. “You should write a book,” is often what people say when they don’t know what to say, and don’t know how to hold space for someone’s pain.

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It may be that writing your story would be cathartic and helpful. But publishing it might not be.

The listener’s advice, “you should write a book,” is sometimes ill-informed advice, especially if they are not a writer. Don’t take writing advice from non-writers. To write a book is to embark on a quest that includes things the listener has no idea about—the investment of time, money, and emotional energy. Becoming a writer is easy—just start writing. Becoming a published author takes considerable time, strategy, and money—it’s essentially starting a business. (Even if you are able to secure a deal with a traditional publisher.)

If you feel compelled to write a book, write it. But only pursue publication if you feel ready to embark on the job of being a writer, which is to say you’re starting a business in which you are not only the product developer, but the marketing department and the logistics department and the accounting department, but also a speaker, podcaster, newsletter writer, and more.

If that sounds exciting and interesting, then you might consider writing a topical non-fiction book that helps readers to live a better life: to resolve conflict, be better parents, forgive others, grow spiritually, or whatever. Your story is no longer all about you and your pain. Instead, it is just one of many illustrations that give you credibility. And that credibility will draw readers to your book. They’ll be able to apply the principles to their own story—which might have been your goal in the first place.